idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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