ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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