Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
