That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
