My friends, they love my intelligence
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
