You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
