My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
