im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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