Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
