Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
