So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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