ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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