Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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