So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
