Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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