Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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