I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
