Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
