So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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