her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??