She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.