Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.