All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants