remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
