I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos