Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?