I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.