Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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