fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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