If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
