so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
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Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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