I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
3 2 1 whiskey
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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