i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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