I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
