Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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