are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
