he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
