Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
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Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
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I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize