he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
