I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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