i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
