The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
