wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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