he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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