i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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