Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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