how can u be prego again
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
