I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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