i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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