My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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