I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
