i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
