I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
