You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
