So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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