Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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