that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
