This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
