i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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