I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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