its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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