i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
