We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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