trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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