Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
