I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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