yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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