I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
