There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
