dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
