I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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