i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
