Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
