Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
