dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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