It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
