Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
