I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
