i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
