Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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